One big dysfunctional twamily

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to Twitter Tuesday. Every Tuesday we will post about Twitter. Stop by
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How to recognize 15 types of tweeters

With millions of people around the world tweeting like mad, Twitter can seem a bit chaotic when you first jump in. But when you’ve been entrenched for a while and have a few tweets, RTs and @s under your belt, you’ll start noticing patterns in your Twitter feed. Twitter attracts many users who have very specific goals in mind – some good, some bad, and some just plain weird. Here are 15 different types of people in your extended twamily that are out there in large numbers. See if you can spot one of each among the tweeple you follow.

The suit
AKA the self-proclaimed social media guru, this ambitious tweeter usually has a corporate/marketing background and is CEO of some company they just made up. Most of these ‘visionaries’ with their can’t-be-missed offers are little more than con artists, but there are a few diamonds in the rough who really know what they’re talking about.

The n00b
N00bs can be the most frustrating - and the most entertaining. They have yet to grasp how Twitter works. When you see someone treating Twitter like a big, open chatroom, you’ve got a n00b.

The brand
Some companies get what Twitter is all about and use it to genuinely connect with their customers. Starbucks and Zippo have used Twitter to great effect, much to the appreciation of their followers. Others are little better than spammers, blasting their followers with offers and deals. In other words, all the stuff that ends up in a junk mail folder in your email.

The Twitterati
These monoliths of the twitterverse have risen from anonymity to become the idols of tens of thousands of followers who they’ve never met and whose names they couldn’t possibly remember. Some are deserving of their social media tycoon status, others not so much. At any rate, don’t expect to be followed back or respond to messages, their egos tend to be just a little over-inflated.

The celeb
Though there are a slew of fake celebrity accounts, the real ones are out there. Among the more interesting are Shaquille O’neal and Barrack Obama. Again, don’t expect much of a response from the bigger celebs. But the B-listers have been known to be fairly open. 

The newsie
If you’re on Twitter a lot, you’ll notice that breaking news comes across the Twitter waves faster than it appears in mainstream media. There are loads of regular people who love to race to break news to all their followers, but you can also follow proper news organizations on Twitter to get up-to-the second info on what’s happening in the world, like CNN, BreakingNewsON and fark.

The lurker
Every type of online community has its fair share of lurkers. You’ll find these users cowering in dark corners, eyeballing the updates of their many followers while rarely contributing anything themselves. Because, you know, they don’t have anything as important as Steve’s last update (eating yummy donuts, nom nom nom) to add the conversation.

The bot
When a spammer can’t be bothered to cut and paste their tweets 30 times a day, a bot does it for them. Thankfully, if you make the mistake of following one all it takes is a simple unfollow to be rid of them.

The guy stuck on repeat
Everything they have to say, they say over and over again. You know, just in case you missed it the first ten times. This may also be a symptom of a n00b who doesn’t understand how Twitter works or a spammer who is just trying to increase traffic to their website.

Mr Mundane
Like Steve and his donut eating mentioned above, many people feel compelled to tell the world inane details about what they happen to be doing at any given moment. Why they believe anyone cares that they are drinking coffee or thinking about what to have for lunch is a mystery that continues to elude the world’s top scientists.

The ‘everyone look how deep I am’ tweeter
This one is characterized by their deep, student councilor-like insights into life and the universe like, ‘today is the first day of the rest of your life.’ You may be saying to yourself, that’s not deep, it’s over-used drivel. You’ll be saying that a lot.

The whiner
Chronic complainers love Twitter because it lets them greatly expand the number of people they can tell how bad everything is at once. Always a good source for your daily bring-me-down.

The RT junkie
Retweeting is a great way to share interesting links and videos. But some people go overboard and post almost nothing but RTs. If you notice a friend with this addiction, stage an intervention and get them to add something of their own to the conversation.

The collector
This person’s mission in life is to gather as many followers as possible, as though reaching 1,000,000 twitter followers will grant them eternal life or make them an international celebrity. You don’t find this one, this one finds you. Beware, as they don’t usually have much of anything interesting to say.

The siren
There are endless amounts of beautiful young women who want to be your friend. Hard to believe, right? It’s too good to be true in reality, and it’s too good to be true on Twitter. Still, girls do manage to get hoards of followers by showing some skin and singing a tempting song to all the suckers out there. Do your best to avoid crashing on those rocks, these sirens aren’t worth following.

Which of the tweeple drive you crazy?

Jason
Ross is a copywriter for The Duffy Agency. He loves working on both
traditional and social media projects and speculating on the future of
the ad industry.